How do you stay calm when your child is
throwing a tantrum in aisle 6? I will apply each of the steps I
listed last week talking specifically about how you can use them in
the grocery store.
1. Clear everyone else out of the room
if possible
You likely have no control over who is in the aisle or who will come into the aisle but you can create your own space. Use the cart to provide some privacy by creating a barrier. You can position the cart on a diagonal protecting two sides leaving only one direction that people will look at what is happening. Creating a private space is for your child. As an adult you do not have to feel embarrassed. The biggest struggle we have as parents is personalizing the things our children do. Tantrums happen to good parents. Privacy is about caring for your child.
You likely have no control over who is in the aisle or who will come into the aisle but you can create your own space. Use the cart to provide some privacy by creating a barrier. You can position the cart on a diagonal protecting two sides leaving only one direction that people will look at what is happening. Creating a private space is for your child. As an adult you do not have to feel embarrassed. The biggest struggle we have as parents is personalizing the things our children do. Tantrums happen to good parents. Privacy is about caring for your child.
2. Do not engage your child (unless
they are able to engage in a hug - hugs are always allowed)
Sit down with your child. Instead of
getting into a battle over what ever the crisis is about, choose to
just stop everything else and wait with your child. If they are calm
enough that you can sit and hug them, do it. Otherwise sit near by
and make sure that they are safe. If others see you calm and
comforting with your child, most will understand that you are working
through something. If anyone asks if you need help I would generally
say, that we are just waiting and everything will be fine. Do not let
your own anxiety rush you or influence your decisions.
3. Breath and focus on relaxing your
shoulders
Instead of thinking of the problem or
guessing what judging other people are doing, focus on your own
breathing, on relaxing your shoulders and on staying calm. Most
parents understand what is happening. Remember the more relaxed you
are the more you will let your child know it is safe and they will
calm down easier.
4. Offer calm reassuring words or hugs
if possible
You can hug your child while they are
working through the tantrum (understanding the limitation given in
the previous post). The most important thing to do if possible is to
wait out the tantrum in a way that is loving. Tantrums do not last
forever.
5. Watch your child for safety during
the tantrum and for signs of calming down
Depending on the severity of the
tantrum, there may be specific things you may need to do. When one
of my children would have a tantrum in frustration as a very small
child, they would bang their head. I would quickly grab them and hold
them until they settled. Assess the area for safety concerns: sharp
edges, items that could fall easily, other carts moving around the
aisle or anything other possible problems. The less you have to do
during the tantrum the more you are able to be present for your child
during the crisis.
6. Talk about it after (not part of
calming down but an important part of the prevention of next time)
It will be important to talk about what
happened after the tantrum. These conversations are best done at home
in private so as to not embarrass your child any more than they may
already be. Also it is important to know when the tantrum is over,
your child will be tired, emotionally spent and physically worn out.
Quickly yet calmly wrap up your shopping after the tantrum so that
you do not have a repeat performance.
If you have any questions or thoughts for discussion, feel free to share them with me.
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